Sunday, June 3, 2018

Summer Plans 2018

Every year in June, when the kids go back to Jamie full time, I come into a period of mourning.  The cavernous house yawns and tells me to get out.  The last two summers I have spent in chaos, narrowly surviving until August when the kids come back and we can resume normal operating procedures.  I know I have not made the best choices for myself .  I have taken lovers who I knew were not right.  I have drunk copious amounts of beer.  I have eaten crap for days because of stress and hangovers.  I have not meditated or exercised for months at a stretch.  I have shirked work duties.  I have left dishes dirty and laundry unwashed for weeks.  I have stayed out all night on a work night.  You get the picture.  There is much to be not proud of over the last two summers.  I'm not ashamed of my failures, because I love them.  They were necessary for me to gain the insight I have now.  And I am turning over a new leaf folks. This summer is going to be different.  I started a 30 day challenge and I intend to succeed.  My challenge consists of a commitment to yoga and writing, no fried foods and no alcohol.  I started on May 26, the day after my big potluck/bonfire.  I am feeling stronger this year.  I know my friend Andre LeBon has something to do with this.  His support has been fantastic.  But there is also something personally different for me this summer.  I am surer about my decisions.  I have a clearer vision of myself and what I want to bring to the world.  I have taken several steps toward making sure I take better care of myself this summer.  1.  I joined the Montrose Yoga Co Op.  I do yoga with Adrienne from youtube, but I feel that getting out to the studio sometimes will help me connect with other like minded people.  I have not been disappointed.  The singing bowls yoga sessions there are soothing in a major way.  My body has always run high and those bowls tune into me and bring me to a middle ground.  Being enveloped in that sound stops my monkey brain and flattens me out so I feel a part of the whole of the universe.  Now if I can just convince Sumil to come to my house and keep one singing all night so I actually get some rest!  2.  I joined Elephant Journal's writing academy.  I have been a closet writer all my life and recently have been reading some of my writing at Cronopios Houston.   Gracias por todo su apoyo, Amigos! I have also been playing my songs at some open mic nights.   I submitted a song to a country songwriter's contest this year for the first time!  Here is my submission.  I didn't get accepted, but it felt good to step out of my box and do something adventurous!  So I have started writing every day to get myself prepped for the academy.  It starts this Wednesday June 6 and runs for 8 weeks.  The goal of the writing academy is to hone my writing abilities so I can begin to work entirely remotely.  The time in the van this year proved to me that travel and non-ownership of things is my happy place.  I would like to start doing part time copywriting now and transition slowly to full time as my kids grow.  Once Cypress is out of high school I plan to be completely self sufficient and able to work from anywhere.  3.  I booked alot of travel in July.  I will start with a visit to Andre in Montreal.  We both have to work, so it will not be a ton of movement, but any day with him is an adventure.  Then I will fly through Houston to Provo, Utah for a work conference.  Kids will fly to Provo after my conference and we will do a 10 day road trip through Yellowstone to stay with Cherie in San Francisco.  Planning the trip is keeping me settled and sane.  We will stay with couchsurfing friends in Idaho and we will meet my friend Paulo in Yellowstone to hike with him and his brothers.  Once I get back at the end of July, work will be a frenzy of back to school trainings.  My boss said no time off until November.  So that means 3 months of grindstone await me.  I will be prepped!  So I am starting this summer off with a bang.  I stayed home alone on Friday and Saturday nights this weekend for the first time in 3 years.  I am turning my attention inward for now.  I have made some amazing friends over these 3 years and I am gathering all of your support and energy to move me toward my dreams. Thank all of you wonderful people for your continued support!  I love you!

Thursday, September 28, 2017

Oklahoma Days

I haven't written much lately because my days are all blurring together. I will try to pick up where I left off last week. 

When I was in Oklahoma last week, Mark was pretty stable and the nurses were saying 2 to 4 weeks of life were left to him.  So I returned to Houston on Sunday and experienced a pretty normal work/school week with Robin and Cypress.  Thursday, however, the nurses here told us that Mark was deteriorating rapidly and would only have a couple of days left to live, so I got back on another flight Friday night.

The time I am spending here is precious. Mark is going down Memory Lane whenever he is lucid.  He is asking for specific artists and songs to hear every day.  He is very particular about who is in the room with him.  His hospital bed is set up in the living room so the whole house and all activities rotate around him.  This is as it should be.  Mallory and Morgan have stopped bringing the young children here.  The scene is just too stressful for them.  I leave as often as possible and go take them away from their father's and take them to do something.  Usually a park or lakeside as I know how calming nature can be during these stressful times.  They are very curious about Mark and we have long detailed conversations about death and dying and loving and living.  They are amazed when I still cry about my parents, sister, grandparents, uncles, and friends who have died.  They ask me about Robin and Cypress often and I can't wait to get them up here with us. 

The days in the house consist of round the clock care and dosing.  Mark can't eat now, but he still wants to.  His bowels have stopped functioning and so anything that goes into his stomach has to be vomited out.  He is asking for less and less everyday.  He has sips of water after each heavy dose of painkillers, tranquilizers, and nausea medicine.  I am on night duty tonight (morning) so I had a cup of coffee at midnight and am still up working at 6:30.  I have actually gotten alot of work done that I wouldn't normally sit still to do.  Silver linings.  I am learning that I had better be nice to my kids so that when I am in this state, they will want to come and feed me and dress me and give me hugs everyday!  Morgan and I made a pact to help each other when we get this bad off. 

We hug each other often.  We are all eating too much and not getting out of our chairs enough.  I hired a masseuse who will be here at 12:00 noon to set up shop in the back bedroom.  We all absolutely need to relax a little.  The baby Clara has been with us nonstop.  It is easiest for Mallory to breastfeed her if she is here.  She sits on Mark's lap and plays pattycake and peek a boo every day with him.

Mark keeps saying what a wonderful life he has had, and what a saint his wife is, and how glad he is that he made the choices he has made.  I want to live like that.  He is my inspiration.

The clock ticks
I count breaths
The bed creaks
I run to the bedside to catch you if you fall
You reach for water
I cradle my hands under it to catch it
You dream of your dead mother
I dream of my living lover
Body wastes away slowly
Mind grows to encompass the entirety of your human life.
I dose you again with liquid bliss
You hug me and say "I've had a good life"

I can't imagine leaving here, but I know I need to think about a plan.  I think Mark is going to hold on for a while.  His muscles are still strong.  His blood pressure ebbs and flows.  He is lucid between doses.  He says he feels the tumor squeezing his lungs and heart.  I am grateful for the Hospice nurses and their attitude of wanting tokeep him pain free.  Many people visit here and he introduces me and brags on me, but I see that they are really impressed by him.  He and my dad have this quiet confidence and competence in common.  Its hard for me to see such strong men go down.  I will have to go back to Houston on the weekend and relieve Jamie.  I know my aunt is going to need more help when we all have to go back to work.  I think guard rails on the bed are going to become necessary.  Mark often startles awake and throws himself out of the bed in a hurry to go somewhere.  He can't articulate where he is going, but his lifetime of hardworking habits are still showing up.  As soon as the sun comes up he tries to push himself up and says he needs to go to work.  He asks us every day why we aren't at work.  I feel I am doing the hardest work I've ever  done.  And I am doing it happily. 

Friday, September 15, 2017

My Uncle Mark

I have been really busy working at my day job.  Schools are coming online in mass right now.  And I got a second job working at my friend's restaurant.  Stop by Cafe Brasil if you have time in the evenings.  I wanted to write about all of those experiences but life has thrown me a curve ball that I need to write about instead.

My uncle Mark Norris has been dealing with a rare intestinal cancer for about 18 months.  He has suffered through alot and he decided yesterday that it was time to call in Hospice.  I had the weekend off so I got a flight up here (NE Oklahoma) to spend some time with him and my family.  My arrival has brought other family members from all over so it is turning into a party. 

This morning it is just Mark, his dad Jack, and I in the house as I prepare for a meeting at work.  I have to start writing down the things he is saying to me because they are profound and priceless.  He is still conducting business from his lazyboy and has a truly positive attitude.  He said hospice told him they would deliver a "comfort package" to the front porch and that we should put it in the fridge when it arrives.  In a joking voice he said "I can't wait until it gets here because I want to be COMFORTABLE." 

He is smiling and joking and telling me stories of how when windows close, like in his carpentry business, other windows open and we just have to be patient.  "The ego is in a hurry, because it knows it's time is limited.  The spirit is patient because it knows it is eternal."

I will continue to keep notes here on our conversations.  I came here very sad last night.  Crying the whole plane ride and drive up here.  People on the plane were uncomfortable with my sobbing, but no one asked what was wrong or offered a shoulder.  Public displays of grief are almost unacceptable in our world. 

Here, however, I don't feel like crying.  He says he isn't going to be upset that this is what has been dealt him.  He said, "I'm gonna roll with this."  So I am getting a lesson from him. 

I hope all of you are doing exactly what you want to be doing, and if you aren't, just be patient, good things are coming your way.

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Harvey Recovery

Good Morning and Happy Sunday. Here in Houston we are all very busy helping each other.  I moved my friend Jen to a new apartment yesterday.  The things I noticed yesterday are that 1).  Many roads in Houston and neighborhoods are still under water.  2.) Traffic is grueling with everyone trying to move themselves and whatever they can salvage. There are huge numbers of uhauls and moving vans and garbage trucks on the limited highways. 3.) Many cars on the roads are damaged. 4.) People are being more patient and kind with each other. 5.) Bars are still closing at 11:30 to allow everyone time to get home before curfew. 6.) People don't want to go home at 11:30 so I have hosted some all night gatherings during the curfew hours. 7.) You can't buy a mattress in Houston and deliveries to stores are not getting in right now.  8.) Life is hard but we are pulling together and helping each other. 9.) Houston ISD is saying 250 of their 360 campuses are damaged.  We still don't know what that means.  10.) Houston feels raggedy.  I remember after Ike Galveston felt this way for about 3 years.  Then it began to feel fresh and renewed with all the saplings and renovations.  I know we will get to that point in Houston, too.  Patience is key. 

I have been keeping up with my yoga practice even though it is so hard to sit still.  I need to stay calm and take care of myself so I can support my city.

I need to have a serious discussion with my boss.  I feel that my job is in jeopardy because of the major damage here.  I don't think we will have any schools to serve this school year and I don't know how they can keep us all on the payroll with no money coming in from the Houston region.  I want to be proactive so I will begin applying for other jobs.  Another question I have for her is this:  I have been asked by the Red Cross to serve as a volunteer translator for their distribution trucks.  I know what these trucks do because I received their services after Ike.  I'm crying again now because when I think about my emotional state after Ike and how it disrupted my family I suddenly feel how all of these displaced families feel.  So, I want to take my vacation days for the next couple of weeks and work for the Red Cross. 

I am going to spend the day demolishing Christine and Johnny Peters' house.  I will post again later. 

Thank you to everyone who is sending love.  I feel it.

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Hurricane Harvey Day 7 update

Thursday August 31 was the first day since the storm hit, last Friday, that we have been able to drive around town very far. 

Robin, Cypress and I tried to sign up to volunteer for the Red Cross online, but their systems were overloaded because of the high volume of volunteers, so we never got the confirmation of shift email we were waiting for yesterday.  So today we decided to just get up early and just head to the NRG Center to see what happened.

I am so glad that I have brought yoga back into my life because starting each day feeling calm and strong is helping me alot right now.  We had a good breakfast and then ventured out into our damaged city.

Traffic was light in the direction we were going and we didn't see any major damage on the way to the stadium.  When we arrived and checked in they said just come on in, because there was a ton of work needing to be done.  Today is the day that they moved all the people from all over town in the small shelters into the big ones like NRG, Toyota and GRB.  From what I gathered talking to other volunteers, the county and the Red Cross want to be in charge of all the logistics and the flow of donations coming to refugees.  I think it is a good idea because you could tell the NRG was run by a motivated and knowledgeable team of people.  I also have been hearing some not so nice things about Joel Olsteen's church which he opened as a refuge only after sharp criticism from his congregation.  I don't like the idea of funds for shelters passing through his megachurch coffers.  I am much more comfortable with the Red Cross setting up lasting and well managed shelters for those who need them.

The jobs we were given were needed.  We helped convert what started out as a cafeteria area into a new sleeping area.  It was a massive effort involving probably 50 of us loading tables, chairs and tons of donated food items from Exhibit Hall A to Exhibit Hall E.  The distance was probably half a mile and we made the walk back and forth pushing carts many times.  A volunteer coordinator heard I was a teacher and asked me to check in with the kids zone.  I went there and talked with their volunteers about what kinds of activities they were doing with the kids.  It is a popular volunteer station and each child who was dropped off at the kids zone was assigned a personal attendant who stayed with them and played with them until their parents came back.  There were many activities and more volunteers than there were children.  I am sure the popularity of this zone will increase as people are in the shelter for more days, so I will check back with them early next week to see if they need volunteers there.  This will be especially important for the school age kids who will have yet another week out of school due to the flooding.  HISD announced today they won't open until Sept. 11.  The shelter is well stocked and there is even an area where they can play with their pets.  The volunteer coordination there is being handled really well.

The kids and I spent some time this afternoon getting Dr's appointments taken care of and also doing some back to school shopping so that they are ready on the 11th. We still haven't been able to get beds for them because all the stores have been closed.  We will attempt an IKEA visit tomorrow if possible. 

We went to visit our friends Christine, Johnny and Lilly Peters and it was heartbreaking seeing all of their belongings on the yard.  Inside of the house all the pets were lifted above the high water mark and demolition was happening all around.  We are going to be hosting one of their pets, a rat named Sylvie, for the time being.  Lilly has a gig at the Mucky Duck on Saturday night and I will attend and celebrate with them in the midst of all this chaos.  I will spend Sunday with them helping to muck out more rooms and move what belongings we can to storage while the house is rebuilt.  Driving through their neighborhood was the first look we got at the extent of damage in Houston.  I am happy to help and hate that Christine is sitting teary eyed in her yard among her things as we drive away. 

Tomorrow we have an early shift at the Houston Food Bank. My friend Caitlin is going with us, as she is a neighbor and received no damage in the storm either. She has to drive her own car, though, becuase she is a Doula and might be called to attend a birth.  Funny how life just keeps on being created in the midst of all this chaos.   I love the food bank because they are run by volunteers and they are really organized.  It will be interesting to see how they are getting food out to all the shelters and still making their trips to local schools to deliver food.  I'm sure they have it under control. 

I will take the kids back to Jamie for a few days since they won't be starting school for another week.  I was so anxious to get back to a scheduled life but it looks like it will have to wait. 

Thank you to all of you who continue to send well wishes and also to those of you who responded to my post yesterday by donating to the food bank.  It is a solid organization supporting thousands of families in Houston. 

I can feel your love and support and I will continue to take notes for you on what is going on here.  I'm overwhelmed listening to the totals of what has gone on here.  80% of Harris County was underwater at some point.  I'm in the lucky minority.  Some homes are not expected to drain for 6 to 8 weeks.  I couldn't get into my house after Ike for 19 days.  I can imagine the mess they will find when they finally get in.  I think there will be alot of demolition happening.  People are already starting to throw around the words "grade raising" like after the 1900 storm in Galveston.  Seems improbable for a city this size.  I wonder where people will go.  I feel sad for my fellow Houstonians who don't have a place to live anymore.  I will continue to support them as much as possible.  Thank you for supporting me while I do that.  I think we will be in crisis mode for months if not years in some neighborhoods, so if you want to come down and help, please come stay with us. 

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Hurricane Harvey Day 6 update:  Thank you so much to all my friends who have reached out from all over the world to check on us.  I decided to post some information here so you can all see how we are fairing and also to let you know how you can get involved to help.

We live in a neighborhood in Houston called Montrose.  The Trose has weathered this storm really well.  I only know of a few neighbors who have had damage.  Water filled up our back yard and got into the garage, but not deep enough to damage the cars.  Our apartment is on the second floor and so we were never really worried that the water would come in here.  Our Russian/Indian neighbors downstairs have been hanging out with us and they knew they could come up if it got too bad downstairs.  That didn't happen so we are happy to report no damages from our house. 

The house in Galveston still has a leaking roof from some damage a year ago, so buckets were set up to catch the water.  Tidal surge and flooding waters stopped in the yard so there will be no major cleanup at that house either.

The kids have been here with me throughout the storm and we have entertained friends here most days.  Cooking, yoga, playing music, playing games and general camaraderie have filled the last 6 days. 

Now that the rains have moved off to the east, we are left with the feeling that we need to take action.  We have researched our options for helping out those who are suffering.  Tomorrow we will show up at the NRG stadium to volunteer even though their website is less than clear about how many volunteers they need and when.  We signed up to become Red Cross volunteers and hope to receive some shifts from them as soon as background checks are completed. 

We are active volunteers for the Houston Food Bank and have signed up for some shifts there as well.  They will need extra volunteers for the next few months.  Please consider signing up for a shift here:   https://houstonfoodbank.civicore.com/index.php?section=volOpportunities&action=calendar

If you are not in the area, this is a great place to make a donation that will help local families.

We have plenty of food and water and the HEB in Montrose opened for a few hours yesterday.

The kids' schools are closed indefinitely.  Because I work closely with schools in this area, I am also not able to work much until schools reopen.  Thankfully, my company will continue to pay me and not require me to use vacation days.  At least as of right now.  We are incredibly lucky and will spend as much time helping our fellow Houstonians as possible.  I have informed Pondicheri (my secondary employer) that I am available if they need me.  I also told my friend Dan Fergus (owner of Cafe Brasil) that I would love to help out if he needs me.  It is so inspiring to be out with fellow Montrosians.  Everyone is so motivated to help right now. 

Today we got out and drove around our neighborhoods to see what we could see.  Highways are starting to clear, there is a lot of debris on the roads where they were submerged and we couldn't see any damage on Lanier Middle School or The High School for the Performing and Visual Arts where Robin and Cypress will attend.  Buffalo Bayou is still really high and I am sad for the parks we have enjoyed along its banks.  Also, friends who live along the bayou will have to relocate since their homes were completely inundated. 

We feel really lucky because so many people have so much work and stress in front of them.  We know how they feel and cry along with them as they begin the grueling process of rebuilding.  Ike did the same thing to us and I feel like I can be a support for those going through it now.  We will be helping friends tear down and rebuild.  If you have time to come to Houston to help anytime, you always have a place to stay with us. 

Thank you for all your thoughts, prayers, positive vibes and concern.  I will keep this updated in the coming days and weeks.  Love, Shauny

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Final Course Internship for Principal

This final course has allowed me to wrap up all of the projects I started as part of my internship.  I completed over 400 hours in my internship and I learned a lot from my principal and from my technology coach.  I feel ready to take on an administrative role in my district now.  Thank you to my instructors and TAs at Lamar University for a wonderful learning experience.